The Tale of the Cave

When I was young, I felt like an outsider.

I thought I was different and for some reason,

I believed every bad thing that happened was my fault.

I thought I was forsaken.

I thought I was unwanted and unlovable.

These thoughts, feelings, and beliefs

led me to wear a mask of a fake smile,

to supress my anger

and burn myself out pleasing others.

yet rarely myself.

My lack of love for myself

          Faith for myself

          Belief in myself

and my self worth

left me in darkness.

Like the darkness of a cave deep in a mountain.

My eyes saw shadows.

My world was black or white.

They saw only good or only bad.

They focused on the bad because good

was thought to be unattainable

for this dark, demonized Soul.

Negative mindsets

attract more hurt and pain.

They attract suffering with

what seems like no end.

It left me tired depressed and wanting to give up.

I desperately wanted it all to end.

Desperate for change

and a knowing deep inside

that I was not what everyone else had said I was.

A knowing deep inside

that there had to be another way.

A knowing that if darkness existed

then light had to too

and a desire to use my pain for purpose

and to turn my knowledge into wisdom,

I decided to leave my cave of darkness

and begin the journey

to unknown places because anywhere

was better than where I had been for so long.

Abandonment, rejection, attachment issues, exclusion, irrelevancy

and constantly being underestimated were some of the challenges

I would have to face on my journey to get comfortable

with being uncomfortable

and to build a different perspective on the actions

and behaviours of myself and others.

I walked and walked.

I fought my insecurities, my ego and my demons

telling me I would never succeed,

that I would never win,

that I should just give up and go back to what I knew.

My determination and will to keep going was rewarded

as I met a stranger huddled in a grotto on my journey

to something better.

The stranger had retreated to the cave to regroup.

He was tired and overwhelmed; he had returned to the cave

to be reminded of his higher purpose.

He told me tales of overcoming obstacles,

a world full of colour and rainbows,

and of wounds healing.

He gave me a gift of advice that kept me curious enough

to keep moving forward.

“We all have the power to transform our own reality”

The stranger decided to join me

on my journey out of the dark mountain

as he told me the light and a new way of thinking

was not too far ahead.

The stranger did not have to go too deep into the cave

for his darkness anymore.

He just visited from time to time to find the lessons in his hurt

and transmute his darkness to light.

He told me I had done the hardest part of the journey alone

and I had made the hardest decision by myself.

To seek change.

He said, “When you want better, you do better.”

He told me he saw a spark inside of me that was getting

brighter by the moment.

He taught me about reciprocity

and how because long ago

someone had saw something in him

that he could not see himself and led him to his light

that it was his responsibility

to pay it forward and accompany me

to support me in the change that was to come ahead.

The stranger was helping himself

by helping others.

He was being of service to humanity and a higher purpose.

Through our conversations,

I started to understand there were reasons

that I was the way I was.

I started to see there was nothing wrong with me.

I was me and it was okay to feel the way I did.

I did not know better

but now that I knew better I must do better.

As I gained a better understanding

I was filled with a knowledge

that everything that ever happened to me,

happened for me and made me me.

My wounds, suffering, pain and hurt were my teachers.

They taught me what I will and will not accept.

They taught me boundaries.

They taught me I was worthy of love, respect, and acceptance.

They also taught me the most important lesson.

I had been seeking love, respect, and acceptance

from outside sources instead of within.

I could see the light ahead and

I was filled with

benevolence, ease, and grace.

Gratitude filled my heart and the darkness

faded away and suddenly seemed so far behind me.

The stranger stepped aside as my eyes adjusted and said

          “You will be ok,

           You can and you will,

           No road is wrong, they will all teach you something.”

“Now that you have found the light

           your darkness will always be filled with

           lessons and you must use your pain for purpose.”

          “Its okay to go back to the cave to regroup but don’t

           stay too long and when you do visit the cave

           should you encounter someone like yourself

           seeking to switch on a light,  

           Share your knowledge,

           For it is power and meant to be shared.”

          “Now go,

               Be the light you know you are, and were always meant to be”

I thanked the stranger and wanted to somehow repay him for his kindness.

He replied it was not necessary.

His reward was knowing

he had assisted someone on their

Journey of BECOMING.                                                                       

-Renegade Lightworker