I am not a Victim

because I have been

blamed, objectified, dominated, supressed,

seen as a possession or trophy,

had aggression taken out on,

been used as a toy,

and disposed of like a paper plate

when no longer useful.

I am not a Survivour

because I have endured

childhood abuse, sexual abuse,

physical and psychological abuse,

domestic violence, systemic discrimination,

spiritual manipulation, sexual abuse in the military,

assault by police officers, conditioning of fault,

 or uncalled for judgements and public shaming.

I am not a Hero

for sharing my story

so others do not feel so alone.

I recognize I am not the only one and

want to use my pain for purpose

so that something good can come

from the trauma that was imposed upon me.

I only want to turn my darkness to light.

Not outshine anyone.

I have made some bad decisions and choices,

and I have had some imposed upon me.

My choice and my power taken

so that someone else

could feel better about themselves.

These experiences happened.

Good and bad.

It is my responsibility to learn from the pain,

to set boundaries

and to know

what I will and will not accept.

Those that harmed me

have their own journey,

and I have mine.

I will take the knowledge I have gained

from the lessons of hurt and sorrow,

and turn it into wisdom,

So that I can learn

to empower myself to

love, accept and finally believe in

ME.

-Dawn McIlmoyle

-July 2021

I was a caterpillar,
crawling through life;
when I found a beautiful plant
and spun my cocoon.
As I metamorphasisized
and grew my wings,
I thought about
how grateful I was,
for the hibernation.
For I had only experienced life
from one perspective.
When my wings had grown,
The struggle began
as I broke free from the confines
of my cocoon.
I thought of how the fight and the change;
no matter how hard it was,
no matter how much it hurt,
no matter how much pain it caused,
was going to be worth it.
I was no longer
going to see the world
just from the ground.
When the time finally came
and I spread my wings,
I could fly.
Bright, bold and rainbow
I used my wings
to fly high.
I let the wind
blow me around.
I was happy.
I needed to learn,
and then when I
established control,
I could see from above
and
I could fly down below and
I could sit on
a plant like before.
I could see the world
from 2 different
perspectives,
and it allowed me
to be free.
The watcher and
the experiencer.
The best of both worlds.
Once I could fly,
I never once
looked back on
the struggle in the cocoon.
I had a whole new way
to look at everything.

Rock Bottom

Same shit,
Different day
Living the dream
Chasing the dragon.
But one day 
You realize
It’s not your dream
You don’t even know who you are.
The mirror reflects
A stranger
Full of guilt and shame
For not knowing better
You realize
The dragon you have been chasing
Lives within and feeds on knowledge.
You hit the floor
Thinking of all the loss,
The pain,
The suffering.
Yours and all that you have caused.
You know there is a better way
You want change, yet
That change scares the fuck out of you
And you hit rock bottom
The place where all the walls
Have come crashing down.
All the barriers
All the things that didn’t work
All the lessons.
Look around at rock bottom.
Take the best memories out of those rocks,
Leave all the irrelevant shit
And Rebuild.
The way you choose
They way you always wanted
And be true to you
Be magnificent
Be the you, 
You wanted to be 
Before life got in the way.
It’s never to late to discover 
Who you truly are.

@renegadelightworker

The roots I have grown remind me of the blood blood red of a rose, full if beauty and tragedy.

The foundation I have built with beautiful Souls reminds me of the orange sky at sunset.

The joy I feel when gratitude overfills me reminds me of the yellow in a Micheal Angelo painting.

The love I have in my heart reminds me of a walk in the forest amongst the green leaves of the maples, oaks and poplars, not to mention the stunning evergreens.

The truth I speak reminds me of the water. It is blue like the Ocean reflecting the sky. It can be harsh and hurt or soft and gentle.

The knowledge I have gained in this lifetime reminds of the Indigo sky at Dawn or Twilight where the night sky is about to break out more stars than I can ever see.

The Wisdom I possess through trials and tribulations reminds me of a Crown, Sovereignty. Gold and violet. It is an obligation to use my suffering to assist others on their healing journey.

A journey to self enlightenment.

A journey of becoming themselves.

Renegade Lightworker

There are a lot of people out there

that take one side and judge.

They see the view of one person only.

They are anti this and pro that.

There is their way or the highway.

They quickly weed their circle of friends

of anyone that does not share

their grandiose views and opinions.

They fail to see any World

except the one they live in.

They are sometimes irrational in their beliefs

and cannot actually tell you

why they are standing that ground.

These people fail to take personal accountability

or admit any wrongdoings.

---

Then there are the rare gems in the crowd.

That look outside the box,

they get a feel for others,

they listen to all involved.

These diamonds in a World of coal

cannot even form an opinion

as they see the story from all angles.

The big picture presents itself to them,

the consequences, the reprecussions, the wholeness.

These are the people

that fight for the freedom

for you to be your authentic self,

for you to believe what you believe.

These people are the ones

that would lay down their life

to protect truth and innocence.

If they could take your suffering away,

They would.

These are often the outcasts of Society,

The Black Sheep, The Witch, The Crazy Ones.

The ones the majority of Society snubs

because they don’t “Get them.”

These are your Angels, your Gods, your Goddesses,

your Brothers, Sisters, Mothers, and Fathers.

That you have abandoned, forsaken and betrayed.

These are the ones that are still willing

to show you the way

with patience, non-judgment

and LOVE.

Waking up

This World is not mine

I came here to learn.

I came here to do my best

To bring peace among humanity;

To initiate change

To promote awareness.

My mission is important

But this journey

Has been a hard one.

So much pain,

So much sorrow,

But beautiful enlightenment.

The chaos creates beauty

As my light shines

Brighter and brighter.

The future is mine.

I will be the light

I always knew I was.

I have always said

I did not belong here.

This is not my home,

But I have a purpose.

To reunite the people

With our Mother the Earth

And with each other

With love, gratitude and peace.

Let your light shine so others can see the way. Life is difficult enough.

Be positive and give someone a compliment. Remember that feeling you get when you make someone smile. Be gentle in your dominance. Sometimes people need to know what they are doing is wrong but you can tell them in a loving manner. I have always treated people the way I wanted to be treated. Until recently in my life I had not met many others that lived by this statement however, since I broke free and started climbing the stairs of life I have been staring at for a while things have been changing and I am starting to see what others have always seen.
I created my own darkness to protect myself and now want to shine as bright as I can so others will as well.
#letyourlightshine #RenegadeLightworker #OCG #leadbyexample #VeteransAssistingVeterans #VeteransAssistingCommunities
http://www.renegadelightworker.com

Renegade Lightworker

Throughout my recovery process many people have said some very important things to me that aided me in comprehending why I am the way I am. I take the knowledge I get from people and reformulate it into a way that I will understand. Because these are my interpretations of what I have received from others, it is my duty to share. This is the principle of reciprocity. Knowledge is the true power and it was meant to be shared. I hope that you can relate to some of my blogs and some of my quotes and find your inner light and begin to live life again. If you are already living life to your fullest may you share your light so others can begin to see again.

I know that life isn’t easy and sometimes we need to be reminded of who we really are. I am here to tell you that when you really let your light shine and be who you were meant to be you start to attract beautiful things in your life.

#RenegadeLightworker

Abuse of Humanity

They said you were ugly

Because they were jealous;

They said you were weak

Because your power scared them;

They called you names

Because that is how they felt about themselves;

They continually bullied you

Because it gave them a sense of control;

They belittled your accomplishments

Because they couldn’t do it;

They harassed you to give up

Because they wanted the fame;

They preyed on your vulnerabilities

Just to try to keep you down;

They told you couldn’t do it

Because truthfully, they couldn’t do it;

They tried to keep you down

Kicked you over and over

But you were made from a different stock

And refused to ever let them win.