Tag Respect

The Tale of the Wizard

The Tale of the Wizard

I met a Wizard on a cold February night being initiated by his own with a set of wings. I did not know he was a Wizard at that time, but I did know he was someone special.  I went to see the Wizard at the tattoo shop because I wanted my own set of wings. Wings that symbolized freedom, breaking free from the confines and conditioning of this materialistic world. Wings that represented overcoming trauma and abuse and that reintegrated the different parts of my personality so I could finally see myself as whole.

I wanted rainbow wings with words in the long feathers and I wanted them to cover my whole back. The Wizard and I discussed my vision and the meaning behind my tattoo. He was honoured to be doing them and to assist me on my healing journey.  I remember him saying he was excited to be doing them. I watched the Wizard draw up magnificent wings, make stencils and place them perfectly on my back.

I straddled the chair and he started to tattoo me, and I tensed up. I started to realize that I could not see or know what he was doing, and I needed to trust this man I had just met and relinquish full control to his artistic abilities while enduring intentional infliction of pain.

This was when I first had a hint that he was magic. The Wizard seemed to sense my tenseness and inability to relax so he decided to put some music on.  He started to play “ELO Live at Wembley” and by the third song I started to relent, relax, and trust the process.  I left that day with a full outline and fully committed to getting them done as fast as possible and sensing I had just met someone that had magical capabilities and a way of just knowing.

The Wizard spent 23 hours from 27Feb18-25May18 magically placing my rainbow wings on my back. The words LOVE, HONOUR, SACRIFICE, RESPECT, TRUTH, LOYALTY SYNCHRONICITY AND COURAGE grace the longer feathers in teal for PTSD and Military Sexual Trauma.

In my time in the Wizard’s chair, I learned so much about life. He listened to me non-judgementally, offered amazing advice and had an insight into things because he was aware and paid attention. I found out the Wizard had won an award at 5 years old for art submitted to the Olympic Games, had been an art teacher and had saved 3 peoples lives in a house fire in Brighton. He was well travelled, knew many people and followed his dreams despite what others said.  Turns out we did not grow up that far from each other either.

The Wizard was supposed to do a cover-up of my cartoon-like Pinocchio ship on my lower back, but he refused because I had injured myself quite badly. I thought the Wizard was upset with me, but he just wanted my body to heal, and he knew no matter how much pain I was in I would still want to be tattooed. Later that year he did give me a beautiful black ghost like ship with a lighthouse to give me “Heaven and Hell” on my back.  The wings were heaven, and the black ship was the long boat ride down the River Styx if you piss me off.  I am a cusp baby, born on the cusp of opposition. Libra/Scorpio.

I enjoyed spending time in the Wizard’s chair. He always knew what music to play or what show to put on to calm my nerves and make getting stuck with a needle millions of times seem pleasant. There was one time he had Moana on the TV for me to watch and empowering female rock music playing as well.  The conversation was stimulating, and he did not get mad if I asked stupid questions. He told me I was not just his client; I was his friend.  

Every time I was in the Wizard’s chair, I saw pictures of him and the guys from Sum 41. I tried to meet Sum 41 at Montebello Rockfest to show them my wings the Wizard had instilled on my back and instead of meeting them, I got to have an amazing chat with Avril Lavigne’s mother, which I did not figure out until after she was whisked away on a cart (I had wondered why she wanted a selfie with me but would not let me take one with her).

While the Wizard was doing my MerAngel I wrote my speech for the Supreme Court that I would give during my testimony for the Sexual misconduct class action lawsuit.  It was also during my MerAngel that I had my vision. While driving and listening to Uriah Heep “The Wizard” I saw my Wizard (looking slightly different) standing in a cave with potion bottles on a desk with scrolls and fire coming out of his hand. I texted the Wizard when I got to my final destination and told him the tale of my vision and he was happy I shared it with him.

One of the biggest lessons I learned from the Wizard was about relationships. He told me that it is a “relationship not ownership.”  I knew that people often look at others as objects or possessions and that was a perfect mantra for me to break free from the grips of those that saw me as a trophy or a prize. The ones that loved me but truly did not love themselves so were incapable of loving me the way I needed to be loved. The Wizard taught me to respect myself and that some people actually do listen without judgement.

We had many philosophical conversations during my Angel Archer tattoo which I got on my nerve damaged arm because his friend/Brother reminded me “No pain, no gain.” I have been encouraged and supported by the Wizard in so many ways. The Wizard does not just tattoo me, he brings the image to life on my body.  There are priceless works of art done by a Master Wizard on my skin. My wolf and my dragon really are friends on my leg, talking to each other. My poppies blow in the wind and Morrigan looks fierce and reminds me I am a force to be reckoned with.

My adversity has made me resilient, and the Wizard has been able to picture this accordingly. The Wizard has provided magic no doctor or therapist could ever provide. He listened to me and made my ideas even better, then left them permanently in ink on my body forever.  The Wizard has also introduced me to some amazing people that I have gone on to develop friendships with because he knows I have a hard time meeting new people, so he introduces me to anyone that comes in the shop when I am there.

I know my body only has so much room for tattoos (although I told the Wizard I was not going to stop until I was a rainbow) so I asked the Wizard if he would be willing to give me art lessons. My creative abilities with arts were very juvenile and I saw so many scenes I wanted to recreate.  To my delight he agreed, and I am finding my inner artist due to helpful hints, suggestions, and encouragement from the Wizard (and a little help from my inner child.)  The Wizard respects me for who I am, who I have been and who I will become. He accepts me for me. I feel like the Wizard is helping me grow up, guide me through the dark night of the Soul and his friendship has allowed me to find myself. I feel like I knew the Wizard in another life and meeting him in this one, was no mistake.

I was a caterpillar

I was a caterpillar,
crawling through life;
when I found a beautiful plant
and spun my cocoon.
As I metamorphasisized
and grew my wings,
I thought about
how grateful I was,
for the hibernation.
For I had only experienced life
from one perspective.
When my wings had grown,
The struggle began
as I broke free from the confines
of my cocoon.
I thought of how the fight and the change;
no matter how hard it was,
no matter how much it hurt,
no matter how much pain it caused,
was going to be worth it.
I was no longer
going to see the world
just from the ground.
When the time finally came
and I spread my wings,
I could fly.
Bright, bold and rainbow
I used my wings
to fly high.
I let the wind
blow me around.
I was happy.
I needed to learn,
and then when I
established control,
I could see from above
I could fly down below and
I could sit on
a plant like before.
I could see the world
from 2 different
and it allowed me
to be free.
The watcher and
the experiencer.
The best of both worlds.
Once I could fly,
I never once
looked back on
the struggle in the cocoon.
I had a whole new way
to look at everything.


I could be your Sister,

I could be your Cousin,

I could be your Daughter,

I could be your Mother,

I could be your Aunt,

I could be your Grandmother,

I could be your wife/girlfriend/significant other,

I could be your friend,

I could be the girl next door,

I could be your boss,

I could be the homeless Woman,


I could be the girl on the street looking for a better way.

I could be all these things

For as a Woman

I represent all of these.

I ask you, “when you see a woman,

         What is the first thing you think?”

Most people notice the attraction factor which judges

Their perception as they see the Woman as an object.

“She’s high maintenance”

“She’s hard to handle”

“Hit her and quit her”

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Yet it is subject to likes, wants, and desires.

True beauty goes beyond the outside shell.

True beauty comes from within.

The shell of the human body is like a car

And what really matters is under the hood.

The parts you do not see,

Unless you take the time to lift the hood

And see the mechanisms of power.

If I was not seen as

an object,

a prized possession,

A trophy,

something to own,

And instead seen as a human being,

Complete with experiences, feelings, and emotions.

Then you may start to see me as a Woman

And someone you can relate to.

We judge appearances, looks, hairstyles, fashion, and sexuality

And continually look for acceptance and reward

From others.

Diminishing our true selves just to fit in.

Our desire to compete and want what others want

Leads to mindless consumption and the desire

To be someone else takes us far from

Our natural state of self-enlightenment.

This leads us to worship those who we see as “better”

Then ourselves and not to delve deeply into who we really are.

You choose to see me based on your

Attitudes, values, and experiences,

But imagine seeing ME.

Not my face, or my body

But seeing me as someone you care about.

Would you treat your grandmother, mother, sister, niece, or Aunt

The way you are about to treat me?

Ask yourself what is the difference?

Why does one woman deserve your love and affection and yet someone you have never met deserves your judgement and disdain.

We are all related.

We are all one.

We are all the same.

We are unique cells in a multi-organed vessel

         Called Mother Earth.

We need to find the love.

We need to find the peace.

We need to evolve and end the cycles of hate and war as war does not bring peace.

I want to be respected

As do most Women.

Those that do not want respect have been

Taught they do not deserve it.

They have submitted to their objectivity and cannot see

         Their value and worth.

They do not have self-love and have not been taught to forgive

         Themselves for the shame they feel for this submission

         And repeat the cycle continually.

They have boundary issues and do not know what respect feels like. 

Acceptance of self is of utmost importance,

Yet in this competition fueled, external reward filled,

         Addiction-loving world

Seeks acceptance form everywhere but self and within.

Respecting yourself and knowing what you need

         Starts deep within and requires listening to your

         Inner voice.

Not the voice of others trying to program you with their own

 conditioning and programming.

Your opinion is the only one that should matter to you.

Would you call your mother those names?

Would you point out all your grandmother’s faults to her?

Would you rape your sister?

Why would you do it to another woman?

See the sameness in them.

Respect the Feminine.

Women give life, they give comfort, they have wisdom/

Women have compassion and see the cycle that needs to

         Be broken.

All Women have a right to be respected

         In the way you respect your family members.

If we saw everyone as connected and family

We may be more willing to overlook what we do not understand

         And make more of an effort to learn.


-Dawn McIlmoyle