Archives January 2021

A letter to a friend experiencing what I am going through or my daughter if I had one. 

I know you are hurting, and you feel so foolish for having feelings for someone that obviously did not see you the way you saw him.

I know your heart feels like it has been ripped out and stomped on the floor and like you have been stabbed in the back.

I know you gave your everything to someone that was not capable of loving you the way you deserved to be loved.

I know you feel abandoned and rejected.

I know he left you with a bitter taste in your mouth, feeling jaded and not good enough.

I know you believed every word he said and feel stupid for believing his lies.

I know he hurt you very badly in ways no one should be hurt, and he took advantage of your kindness.

I know he used you like a blow-up doll and thinks he got away with it.

But Baby Girl, Girlfriend,

You are a Goddess, A Warrior, A Valkyrie

And none of this is on you.

Because I also know,

You are beautiful,

You are resilient,

You are intelligent,

You are wise,

You are knowledgeable,

You are brave,

You are courageous,

You are fearless

And you are everything he is not.

You have integrity, you have respect.

These are things he will never have, and he hurt you because he knows that. His behaviour and his actions are a reflection on him, not you.  You did nothing wrong.  Believing in someone, loving them, and accepting them completely is not wrong. Seeing the good in them and their inner child is not wrong. Accepting unacceptable behaviour is wrong. 

He preyed on your kindness, put you down for being too good.  He told you that you were too emotional and made you feel bad for things you should never have felt bad about. He tried to make you think your friends were not your friends and then when it all went bad and he got caught, he put it all on you.  Shamed you, blamed you as if he were completely innocent and did nothing wrong.

So, listen to me,

Remember who you were, are, and will be.

Feel the pain, learn the lessons but do not dwell there for too long for he does not deserve those tears you cry. Your energy is much better spent working on making yourself the beautiful light of truth that you are.

You my Queen, will rise again like a Phoenix, move on, and live your life to the fullest with many new experiences. You will change and grow with every new lesson. You will not succumb to stagnation.

For you are pure awesomeness and you will always adapt and overcome.

I know you; I see you

I am here for you

Believe in yourself, Love Yourself the way you always wanted to be loved and Fly like the Angel you are.

Love Always,

A person who has been there and cares……

This is me and my brother Andy. His birthday is 8 days before mine and we are what is known as Irish twins. Born within a year of each other.
Now the reason I am posting this is because I see a serious flaw I would like to point out. My brother has his dukes up. He was taught that, to be a little fighter and believe me, him and I got into some pretty crazy battles so I learned quick. When we were young my Dad would put the boxing gloves on us and then we would fight. When I started to win it was game over. Couldn’t have the girl beating up the boy. Then Andy got taught he should be a lover not a fighter… Yah well this isn’t about him so we can stop right there.
I got to sit in the background as the girl and hear all these things but I was expected to put on the dress and act differently. It’s un-ladylike to want to fight, it’s not very girly-girl to act that way. So from the start there was a double standard I have had to fight. I have fought so hard to get where I am. I have fought to expose the truth, I have fought to find myself and I have fought for the rights of others to be treated fairly. I have fought for love, love that wasn’t even worth fighting for because fighting was what I knew. I had to fight myself to finally love myself. I am the black sheep of the family for doing what is right because it’s the right thing to do and it’s OK. I cannot fit into a World I was not meant to fit into.
I was taught to be passive, submissive, unasserting, non-resistant, docile. meek, non-aggressive and afraid while my brother got taught right from the start to be dominant and aggressive. Had I not had my Brother I would not have learned how to be a fighter. I also thought that as a girl watching Disney someone was going to rescue me but nope, had to do that myself as well.
I am learning that while I still need to stand up for myself, it is OK to not fight the battle, just let it go as well. Feel the pain, surrender to it and deal. It’s not pretty but the other side sure is…. The other side of the pain, when you realize how beautiful and worthwhile you are, what your value is and the only person you need to impress is yourself.