Strength

Strength

I was strong enough to survive my grandfather thinking I was an object for his pleasure.
I was strong enough to survive my alcohol mother who eventually got sober.
I was strong enough to survive losing my virginity being raped in sea cadets.
I was strong enough to survive moving out on my own and still receive my high school diploma.
I was strong enough to survive joining the Military, being charged for speaking out about being raped and losing my career.
I was strong enough to survive 3 abusive husbands, the beatings that came with them, and countless horrible men who saw me as nothing more than a conquest.
I was strong enough to survive raising my 2 Sons as well as some of their friends even though it cost me my sanity at times.
I was strong enough to survive speaking out publicly about sexual abuse in the military and the aftermath that occurred at a time where it was unspoken of and you were supposed to just be quiet.
I was strong enough to survive going to University full time while working full time and raising my boys.
I was strong enough to survive keeping a roof over my families head no matter the cost to my Soul.
I was strong enough to survive the many suicide attempts and my scars have become reminders that I have lived and are being replaced with beautiful tattoos.
I was strong enough to survive leaving my home and the only place that ever felt safe to me and find a new family and place to belong.
I was strong enough to survive the constant feelings of abandonment and betrayal and turn them into a purpose.
I was strong enough to survive anything that was thrown at me and it has made me realize that no matter what may come I will always be strong enough to survive.

Sleeping Beauty~DV Boss Style

I manifested what I desired most when I was a child.  I fell in love with the tale of Sleeping Beauty and the little Princess Aurora.  I wanted to fall asleep and get awoken with the kiss of a handsome Prince and live happily ever after.  You see Aurora was also the Roman name of the Goddess of the Dawn and this intrigued me like never before.  I wanted to be her so badly.  I can remember listening to the record on my tiny record player and turning the pages in the book when the little bell went off. I dreamed of this, I escaped to it. 

Books became my go-to.  I loved reading and I loved to write. I can remember the librarian telling me that I should never judge a book by its cover and she would read the stories I wrote to the class during library time. When things got bad I could escape into a book, become the main character and use my imagination.  I loved myths and fairy tales and saw them as real, I never thought someone would spend the time writing down something that wasn’t true in the past.  I could tell the difference between fiction and non-fiction.  I knew from a very young age that even those fiction romance novels had some basis and came from somewhere.

I suffered several splits in my personality due to trauma at various stages of my life and when I was 19 I suffered a catastrophic split that essentially put me to sleep developmentally.  A fracture in my psyche basically kept me at the age of 19 and I was going through life, learning, living, surviving but never mentally growing.  I was attaining knowledge but storing it for future reference.  I was functioning but not at the level I always wanted to.  I wasn’t excelling, I was not growing, I was stuck, and I knew it.  I was in a prison in my mind just waiting to break out. If that prison wasn’t bad enough I put my mind into a state of solitary confinement to protect what was left of my innocence and my inner child that always seemed to get hurt. I allowed people to hurt me but constantly broke free of them, just not myself.  I could not open the door to that cell because I was not ready.  I had to raise my children. They had become my purpose, but I didn’t have very many tools in my toolbox and I did the best that I could with what I had.  When they were young it was easy because I loved to do things that kids liked to do.  I took them to baseball, I had them in Beavers and Cubs.  They both played Lacrosse. We often went fishing and I took them to family gatherings with my parents.  I carried a huge guilt because I was in school full-time learning to be a Registered Nurse and I was working full time to support them because my pension from Veteran’s Affairs was not enough and at this time they did not pay for education. After I finished my education because I was a Nurse I often had to work nights, weekends, holidays and my boys paid the price. Because I was busy trying to keep the roof over my son’s head and provide for them they became more dependant on their social circle and I then became a street mom, which I did not mind because I loved the company and it was like I had my own little wolf pack and I was the Den Leader.  I got denied my chance to be a leader in the Military but here maybe I could mould some young minds. What I didn’t realize is when my children were teenagers I was developmentally still a teenager, sort of frozen in time.   I became a friend to my children instead of their mother and there were major respect issues.  I look back and I had been taught to not respect myself so how could I have ever taught my Son’s to respect me. I had no self-worth, no self-esteem and didn’t think I was competent or capable due to my conditioning from my family, my teachers, and society in general.

When my youngest Son turned 18 there was an actual physical separation between my Sons’ and I which I needed. A break from the teenage world I had been submersed in and was stuck.  I moved to the Reserve to be with what I thought was my Prince Charming, the man who was going to ride out of the sunset and save me and essentially, he did, but not in true story book fashion.  You see I had failed to read Blackbeard or maybe I did and just never thought it would happen to me (although it already had twice). I started to finally settle and feel safe and reconnect with my environment.  I started to feel at peace and come out of my cocoon or self-imposed prison just a little bit.  I started in a controlled environment of going back to University again.  I enrolled in Indigenous Studies and I started to see my children again but began to establish boundaries which they are still learning to adjust to and I began by aggressively setting them. 

My moment of waking up did not come from a kiss by my Prince, it was a blow to the head via cell phone.  It was a culmination of all my abuse and it was like a white light surrounded me and woke me completely up.  I could see again and feel again, and I knew what I wanted, what I needed and what I would accept.   I just needed to learn how to communicate it as I still had the social skills of a child.  I had been asleep, and the world had really changed. It was different, I saw it in a different way. I could see what was real and what was fake and there was validation in it. My good friend said she had heard what I was talking about referenced as “sleepwalking” through life.  I had essentially learned the skills to survive and cope during crisis, but I had stored the knowledge necessary to allow me to grow deep in my subconscious.  I was awake but sleeping, what a concept. 

When all of this came into clarity for me I was sitting with my psychiatrist Dr. Thirlwell and her friend Celyne and we were talking about how positive thinking really does change things and if we think our lives are shit, they will be and that every single person has the ability to manifest what they desire most but most people are veiled to this.  Asleep.  I had the good fortune of being able to wake up and see clearly.  I then realized that I had truly manifested what I most desired as a child, I became my own version of Sleeping Beauty.  I had gone to sleep and raised my children while doing this and woke up at the same age as them mentally, emotionally and developmentally.  I am physically older than them, their mother but my brain stayed stuck.  My youngest son says he describes me to his friends as “An adult with a child-like mind.”  I see this as a good thing, not a bad.  He sees me and accepts me even with all the mistakes I made.  He understands so that cannot mean that I did a horrible job raising him.  I never wanted my children to end up like me, just like I never wanted to be my Mom but honestly if they have a little bit of me in them, I will be very proud. I do have values and I cannot change the past, all I can do now is lead by example and manifest beautiful things with words of gratitude and thankfulness.  I can live my dreams, I can imagine things into existence.  I can make something (me) out of nothing (what I thought I was) which I have been doing since I woke up.

#RenegadeLightworker

Make your dreams a reality

Noah~DV Boss Style

Most people have heard the Bible story of Noah and the flood and how he and his wife, and their three sons gathered the animals 2 by 2 and saved them on the Ark he had been instructed to build.  Noah saved mankind by keeping the animals safe and then his family repopulated the Earth after the waters subsided.  Every culture has a flood story and because I know this I thought it would be pertinent to share my own Noah story.  Its not quite the same as the flood story in the Bible and there is no real flood other than emotions and tears but there is a puppy involved so an animal is accounted for.

I moved to a new city because I was fleeing a domestic violence situation and was in fear.  I knew very few people in this new city and felt like a kid in grade one at a new school and was extremely socially awkward.  My PTSD and anxiety were on super high alert and I was in constant panic mode. I was jumpy, I was on edge, I was angry, I was aggressive, and I was sad because I knew I wasn’t myself.  I was in a pain I had never been in physically and my brain was scrambled.  I didn’t know if I was coming or going half of the time.  My childhood friend who I trusted implicitly because of our pasts was very busy and knew someone that lived near the new building I lived in and asked him to befriend me.  This kind Soul bore the name Noah.  I had never met anyone named Noah and this young man lived up to his namesake.  He was not the kind of person you would want to mess with, he looked kind of rough around the edges which I guess on the exterior makes him look unapproachable, but this kid had a heart of gold.  He will tell you that he did nothing for me, but you know what he did, he listened.  He let me vent and he acknowledged my feelings. He let me feel them.  He didn’t tell me they were wrong.  He often said, “I am sorry you feel that way Dawn, that must be hard.”  I had never had anyone say anything other than feeling was wrong or that I wasn’t feeling what I was feeling. I questioned my own feelings thinking they were wrong because other people had not wanted to deal with them as they made them uncomfortable or they didn’t feel the same way.  Just because you don’t feel the same way doesn’t mean you dismiss the way someone else feels.  Noah made me feel like it was alright to feel, and I finally felt like I had a real friend.  I had made a couple, but this was someone who took time to listen to me when I was sad and sometimes stopped everything to talk to me for a few minutes to calm me down and then would check on me as soon as he wasn’t busy.

I was not adjusting to my new life so well and it was taking a turn for the worse.  I wanted all my pain to end and I wanted everything to be over.  I had been abused, taken advantage of, lost almost everything and I did not want to live anymore.  It was late at night and I had no where to go and I had my puppy, a beautiful female German Shepard named Dutchess Von Dee. I wanted to end it all and I called Noah.  He had just gone to bed and had only been asleep for about 40 minutes.  This guy lived a busy life and hardly did anything for himself including sleep.  He tried to talk me down and into going back to my apartment, but I could not go back to my 11th floor apartment, I wanted to jump out the windows and there were 5 floor to ceiling door/windows just calling my name.  I had already put several cuts in my wrist, but they were not deep, they just reminded me I was still alive, and this was all real.  Noah brought me into where he was staying and listened to me ramble about not wanting to be here anymore.  He knew I had an appointment with my therapist the next morning and if he could just get me through to that I would be okay.  He called my childhood friend who could not do anything as he was busy with his family so Noah stayed with me until I had to go to my appointment.  He made me go to sleep as he knew I had not had much and needed to drive an hour to my appointment.  He made me feel safe. He made me feel important and he taught me a very important lesson that night.  I didn’t want to do it anymore because I did not believe in myself.  I did not think I was important.  The lesson he drilled into my head that morning was that other people believed in me like him.  Other people thought I was important.  He instilled into me by making me repeat over and over

“Noah thinks I can.” 

He said if I don’t think I can I must repeat “Noah thinks I can.”  This was a bad ass dude and he believed in me.  He knew I could accomplish it, even when I doubted myself. I had no faith in me, but Noah did.  He could see me.  Noah helped me with my puppy and helped me even when he didn’t have to.  I drove all the way to my appointment with my therapist that day saying, “Noah thinks I can, Noah thinks I can,” He became my little train that could.  I got there, and my therapist took over.  I had never been so grateful that I had a friend who cared enough to forgo sleep and listen to me vent and cry to keep me alive.  He let me start to get it out and it is still a work in progress. 

I told Noah I would repay his kindness in someway and that I was forever in his debt.  He was extremely chivalrous and said it was not necessary, but I never forget a good deed and my Soul was saved that day because he cared enough to save it.  Life did not go so good for Noah because of a series of unfortunate circumstances but when I went to try to help (no one would listen to me as a Woman) I got to meet his family.  I met his father and expressed my gratitude at what his Son had done to keep a Veteran alive. I also met his friend Joe who is also a caring and compassionate Soul.  I keep doing what I can for Noah who just had a beautiful Son himself because I am a loyal and dedicated friend.  I got to meet his wife and Son and even hold the beautiful little boy. Although I was rather disappointed he didn’t come out with a full beard. I don’t care what anyone says about Noah, the World is a better place with him because he cared enough to save a girl he barely knew because he knew of her.  That deserves the utmost respect, which society does not see anymore.  They see people’s wrong-doing, their mistakes and they play on those.  They judge them on their pasts and assume they are the same people they were yesterday.  I am never the same person I was the day before because I learn from everyone I meet in person or online, and I have met many people who woke up one morning and said, “Enough of the bullshit, I want to change.” It is called an epiphany and being real.  Some refer to it as a Spiritual Awakening. It is also called dealing with your emotions. 

So, my Noah didn’t save the whole world and all its animals from a flood, but he saved me from drowning in my own negativity and self-doubt by believing in me enough for both of us.

#RenegadeLightworker

Discovering Energy

I spent a long time withdrawn from the World in a self-imposed prison of the mind due to my PTSD. I convinced myself that I was forsaken and that bad things happened because of me. I constantly picked up on the bad vibrations in the World and the negative energy people carried with them without even knowing. I had known for a very long time that I felt other peoples pain, sorrow, anger, fear and grief as well as their joy, happiness, elation and love. Because of my own negative mindset induced by various trauma and muliple episodes of re-victimization I failed to see the good right before my eyes and was caught in a cycle of blame, guilt, and self-pity.

I did not know about energy and how it flows all around us. This was not in my traditional upbringing or covered in any of my tradtional education, including my Bachelor of Science in Nursing. I always knew there was an outside force I did not comprehend and it affected me but without being able to put a name to it I could not understand it and I am the type of person that totally needs to know what I am dealing with so I can combat it or work with it.

I had a deep connection with nature when I was young and I loved it. I felt like Snow White and I could communicate with the forest and all of the animals. I saw things in the water that were not fish and because of my conditioning I was scared. No one understood what I was feeling or even believed me. When I was in Grade 3 I began to write stories. Every week I wrote a chapter about my friend Spooky the Ghost and our adventures. There was someone in my family home that I could feel but could not see. I knew he walked with me and did things with me and no one else could see him but I had no other words that Spooky the Ghost. Looking back now I find it ironic I called my friend Spooky but was not one bit afraid of him. There were certain places in my home that I could feel Spooky more than others. The basement was one of them. I should add that my Grandfather Dutch passed away in the driveway of my family home on 16 December 1970. I was born on 23 October 1972. My grandmother and parents would call me silly and shut me down quickly if i started to speak of him. I stopped feeling him but knew he was there, he didn`t make a real reappearance until I was 19 and got wrongfully punished in the Canadian Armed Forces. I knew he was in my room with me on my confinement to barracks but I could not put words to it until I was much older. I believe that is when I wrote my first letter to him, and when I began to put my thoughts to paper and process my feelings through a form of poetry. I was not educated in the art of poetry, only being taught things like Haiku in elementary school, and I do not recall having to write much of it in high school. I could put thoughts to paper like nothing else. My passion for writing that began in Grade 3 was reignited but sometimes I lost my passion because of my depression and anxiety and lack of belief in myself.

I wrote on and off over the years trying to process what was going on around me. I started a book that reached 660 pages before I quit writing in 2013 complete with documentation and pictures so it would be believed. For some reason I felt that I had to prove my life. When I moved out to Curve Lake First Nation Reserve #35 my connection with nature was re-established and I began to awaken again. My feelings began to flow on paper again. Good and bad and it all started to come out. Repressed pain and fear and love and all of the things I had bottled up for so long. Because I was living on a Reserve among Indigenous People I felt that I should take a course at school in Indigenous Studies and it was very eye opening for me. I actually went back to University after a 10 year abscence and sat in a class with a large group of individuals. A whole new perspective and take on life, through the eyes of a different Culture. I started to have a paradigm shift and see the World with different eyes. In my 2nd year I decided to take An Introduction to Indigenous Environmental Sciences and was introduced to Professor Dan Longboat, Director of the Indigenous Environmental Sciences program at Trent University and my life changed forever.

https://www.trentu.ca/indigenous/faculty-research/full-time/dan-longboat

I had never had a teacher thank me for attending class and make me feel what he was teaching. At the beginning of the course Professor Longboat made a point of talking about energy and how we all have it. He spoke of rhythm of energy in nature and how it is always constant and flows evenly in a gentle balance of up and down curves when it is actually measured as generally people cannot see this. Some have been known to feel it but if you were not taught of this concept it can be rather frightening. He spoke of how monks in meditation produce this same energy rhythm but the majority of the populations energy was extremely chaotic and illustrated it with a very jagged up and down line with no ebb and flow. There were no curvy flows, no rhyme or reason. This concerned me greatly as Professor Longboat said this was the reason behind much sickness and stress and heart disease. However suddenly my mind blew wind open because i could put a name to what i felt from people. Energy. We all had it, everything that was living possessed it and it could be felt on personal objects. I now knew why I picked up on things that others did not because I could feel the energy that surrounded everything and I have to be honest it was scary. It was frightening yet exhilirating to finally after all of these years have a validation that it was real. I was not crazy, I now had answers to the questions I had had for so long.

When I began to be able to put to words what I could feel all around me because I finally understood it my writing changed as well and I could tune into emotions in others. It was the start of my awakening. I knew I was an Empath and I could claim it but I needed to learn how to harness it so I was not a conduit for others emotions. I needed to find a balance between when to subject myself to this and when not to because i was starting to also realize that isolating was wrong. I was not really living and I had to create a new mindset. I needed to create boundaries, wear my invisible shield and prepare for battle when leaving my home and face the World head on. I finally began to be me. I finally started to use to tools in my toolbox that had been there for so long and grow. I also realized that if i could feel the energy I could project it and if your happy, even if your faking it a little everyone else is happy and then all of a sudden you really are happy. Happiness is contagious and no one really likes a person who is down all of the time. An amazing thing started to happen to me thought because the more positive I was about things, when I started to see that all my mistakes were not really mistakes but lessons I needed to learn and I tried to find the light in situations that should be very dark my whole mind, body and spirit shifted. The black hole inside of me that fed off of the negative emotions and mindset of others started to question the realness of the situation. If i could feed off of negative emotions and stay negative because the energy was bad I would stay that way but when I shifted into positive I started to see the good in even horrible situations and I became grateful for every experience I have had no matter how it played out. I was now able to integrate what was positive energy and what was negative and as I am a slow processor it took me a while. I met many along the way that are teaching me new tools to use when I am getting into my negative mindset because I truly want to believe my dreams are possible, just like anybody else. My favourite tool lately came from a friend Chris Power from Power Transition Services

https://www.powertransitions.ca

and https://www.facebook.com/powertransitions/

It was a meme that said to add the phrase -and it is okay- after everything so if I have a list of things to do and I only get one done, it is okay. This led me to start working on the fact that being so immersed in my negativity and trauma I had failed to see my successes and had not acknowledged them as I had become so hard on myself and used to what I thought was failure.

My discovery of energy and the way it changes everything as it is all around us was one of the most amazing realizations I have ever had. So if you do not like the negative vibes around you then change them up. Raise the vibrations in the room, put on a happy song, do a little dance, colour a picture, be happy. It ultimately is up to you, your choice. Stay stuck in the negative energy or evolve and raise your vibrations and live a little….

Pathfinder Strategies

FYI…

An excellent mental health course provided by a true leader. Warrior Suicide Prevention Training. It fills me with great joy to see others taking the initiative to help others heal so they don’t go through what they have gone through. Check it out. Any tool in your toolbox can help, and sometimes its good to have the tools to lend out to a friend in need. Knowledge is the true power and it is meant to be shared. Check out this Veteran’s program if you so choose. You won’t be disappointed, I can assure you. Any learning is good learning. It is also a go at your own pace course so I suggest you check it out.

https://pathfinder-strategies.teachable.com/p/warrior-suicide-prevention-training?fbclid=IwAR2O6deLXEQt6mGisu5KPyMcDilhAMHW-yRVb-oMKgkINeAO-v98dAf7rI0

You can also check out Mr. Todd Holmes Pathfinder Strategies facebook page at:

I strongly believe that the only way for us all to heal is to support one another in a truly magnificent stand to take back our lives. To live a life of agony and suffering is to be in your own created hell. Why not takes the steps to take your life back. Living really isn’t that bad. Feeling is real. Make a decision today. Do you want to be what everyone expects of you or do you want to be who you always wanted to do before life knocked you down a little. If anything, you may be able to offer someone assistance like I am sure someone has shown you at some point in your life.

There is nothing wrong with knowing you need help. There is not one thing to be ashamed of. If you do not want to be in the darkness anymore, find a light, plant a seed and watch it grow. Stop being like a flower that has been picked and be the beautiful flower that sprouts from a long winter and is more beautiful than it ever was before.

Family at 45

     I was 45 years old when I finally found and met people who felt like they had been my “real” family all of my life.  I was a part of a rather large family that I felt I never truly belonged to.  I looked like them, talked like them, acted like them but never felt like them.  I always had a yearning, a desire for more.  To test my limits, my boundaries, to learn all I could.  To get an education and boy did I ever (not all in a traditional sense).  I was different than everyone in my family including my look-a-like Irish twin younger brother who I longed to be.  As a girl I had the limits and boundaries of a patriarchial society placed on me yet I continually tested the believing that gender was a confine being placed on people to control their true abilities. 

Because of injustices done to my personhood and blame of governmental systems and society in general, I placed myself into a self-imposed exile and prison of the mind created by vicious cycles perpetuated by low self-esteem and a lack or self-respect and self-worth.  It was when I truly stood up for myself and realized my worth that I started to attract my real family.  The ones that I was meant to meet to help me break free from the solitary confinement of my own mind and truly let society see the beautiful butterfly this caterpillar has turned into.  When I met people that did not confine me to one certain role, one stereotype, I started to grow.  All of the seeds that other people planted in my mind while I imprisoned myself were lying in wait for the perfect conditions and are becoming the tools I use to create positive change and help others see their truths.

Choices

     Life is a series of lessons, based on the conditioning received by those closest to us in our environment.  Growing up we are not just influenced by our parents and closest relatives. As children we are conditioned by our teachers, our government, authority figures and any adult we find amusing really. We learn from a very young age to absorb the environment around us because we are constantly immersed in it and often not shown anything outside of this. If you grow up in a strict conservative family of lawyers, politicians or doctors it is probably expected you will also be one and adhere to your family values you had been taught throughout childhood and never deviate.  As humans we are creatures of habit. We do what we are taught and return to what is comfortable. So, most people of influence grow up with an idea of what they want to be, and this starts very young.  Born, bred and raised, encouraged at every second and praised for every accomplishment they achieve. These people are born to be leaders or taught they should be leaders, but are they all? Really, they are following the “social norms,” doing as they are told and following in footsteps of their parents or grandparents. What if this youth were to deviate? Step outside the comfort zone of their family and do something different. Say what is on their mind, not conform, be the rebel. Well then, they are a societal outcast, a black sheep. Sometimes these people are disowned, and their ideals shunned because they don’t jive with the “normal views of every day citizens.”  These are the people that think outside of the box. They are not conventional thinkers, they want to know more, they want to know why, they want to be shown or experience it for themselves.  Why chastise someone for having a mind of their own? Why make youth feel wrong for having opinions that are not the same as the people around them. Why teach children outdated systems and knowledge because leaders don’t want to spend the money to rewrite history.

     So, we end up in a world with conformists, non-conformists and people who really don’t have a clue because they have never had any guidance, or proper knowledge of the Universe and feel completely lost until something big wakes them up. There are children born into families that feel alone and like they don’t belong because they have a bigger purpose. A lot of time it takes great pain, grief, devastation and sorrow for this purpose to come into play because these youths were not granted the affluence of good parenting or a higher education.

     Broken homes, alcoholism, drug addiction, abuse, denial and violence have become common place in a Society that seems to be teetering on devolving. Discrediting people whose ideals we do not like has been going on for centuries. Some great minds were actually murdered for telling the truth, yet leaders who continually lied are honoured and relished in history. Columbus is honoured and credited with discovering a Country and things in it that was already inhabited. He is responsible for the deaths of Indigenous populations in the America’s. He imported South African’s as slaves for his own selfish purposes.  The conquistadors killed thousands in a quest for gold and it’s all celebrated.

     Have we not learned from history that all great civilizations eventually fall?  Rome was not built in a day, but it survives forever through the writings of the people that were there and still honour it today and are interested in the history of it.  We have had so many great empires and civilizations. The Aztecs, the Mayans, the Egyptians, The Greeks, The Mongols, The Romans, The Celts, The Vikings. Where are all these people now.  Absorbed into blended societies under the guise of different religions, ethnicities, but where is their greatness now.  They all fell. They are obscure, yet we honour and worship their principles.  The Haudenosaunee people also known as the “Iroquois Confederacy” shared their knowledge with the fore founders of the United States of America and some of their ideals are included in the Declaration of Independence but what happened to them.  Their ideas were taken, absorbed into the knowledge of Freemasonry and twisted into a Christian ideal for the American people so that they could live a free life.  So now we have Countries or great Nations rather that are multi-cultural and very diverse with multitudes of religions and ethnicities living together and are trying to conform them all to one ideal.  One paradigm of thinking.  The pen has remained mightier than the sword, yet we continue to have war.  We honour history as if it is still happening and what we should be learning from it we are just repeating.  Ideas that the whole world should be hearing are being supressed for fear of reprisals from outside agencies. Money has become the central object in the Universe and the idea of “how much can I get paid for this” has started to become the norm. The government is supressing knowledge that could help heal us all since they would not get anything from it.  Drug companies don’t want to cure you, because then how would they get paid.  So Big Brother “the government” makes sure that if something doesn’t fit with the societal norm it gets squashed.  They also squash things that they don’t agree with or do not want to be public knowledge.  The elected governments of the World like to keep their dirty little secrets and dirty laundry hidden so that they still maintain a level of Authority and Superiority for the general public. 

     In Canada, a perfect example would be the removing and shaming of public figures from the past that were involved in the beginning of the founding of this Country.  While I agree whole-heartedly that what happened to the Indigenous people that lived here when people like Samuel De Champlain and General Cornwallis arrived to colonize this Country I disagree with what is happening today.  Sir John A. MacDonald was the first Prime Minister of this great Country we call Canada when it was formed as a Dominion in 1867 (it did not officially become a Nation until 1982, but really it is just an “Economy”). In Victoria recently one of his statues was removed because of his part in the Residential School fiasco.  While this was horrible and tragic and has robbed a people of their Culture, he was being advised by others and was just doing his best with the knowledge he had and how he had been conditioned.  He grew up in a way that conditioned him because of the “Bible” that these Indigenous people were Savages and they needed to “kill the Indian in the Child” because that is what he was told and taught.  Had he had the knowledge we have today of what would become of his decision, do you think he would have made the same one? So, we dishonour him and erase him because he made a choice based on the knowledge he had at the time. Cornwallis was the same.  His statues removed and his great deeds now trying to be erased because of a decision he made at the time.  In depths studies show that there was a war going on and there were various miscommunications from various sides that resulted in some wrong decisions being made. But they were made.  Let’s learn from these mistakes and get to the bottom of things before we just erase people.  I’m pretty sure they did that in ancient Egypt, but we still know the people they tried to erase existed. 

     So, choices, good and bad, we all make them.  We suffer the consequences and sometimes these consequences are not even known for years.  Sometimes we are so blinded by conditioning that someone needs to point out that we are making the same choices over and over and we need to break free from the cycle we are in.  If another person’s choices are creating bad situations for you then you need to look at the choice you have yet again.  Ultimately it is up to you. To seek the information to make the choice.  You can learn to tolerate the choice or educate yourself and break free knowing that everything that happens is a learning experience.  We have learned from Sir John A. MacDonald. What to do and what not to do.  We have learned from the Ancient peoples, yet we have forgotten their ways.  We have become dependant on an outdated book called the Bible which we choose to believe is the be all and end all all things.  I never comprehended how we could go from having many Gods and Goddesses to just one.  We have faith in what we cannot see or believe a book that we have been told is true, but we will not believe the person next to us that is telling us the truth because its just too far fetched. 

     We have dismantled families by making things so expensive that both parents (if a child is so lucky) need to work (sometimes long hours) and electronic devices have become babysitters which sometimes cannot be controlled.  Television, video games, social media, radio, podcasts, and the Internet are now conditioning our children. How can we control all these things?  On top of this they are still banning books and saying things that were perfectly acceptable for our generation are no longer appropriate for children today.  We are medicating our gifted children because they are different under the guise of ADD, ADHD, and autism, along with various other “labels.”  It’s entirely possible that our systems just need to be rewritten because they are now outdated.  We have created divisions in Society through vulnerable sectors and marginalized people. We have women trying to get equal rights still throughout the world when really, it’s more just equal recognition they want.  They are half the population after all.  We have people being denied who they are because of who they love. They are having to speak up and demand equal rights because they do not fit the “norm.”  Indigenous studies taught me that They say everything is a choice. A choice we made, or a choice someone else made that affected us. Sometimes it feels like there wasn’t much choice in that situation, and sometimes something that feels like it was a bad choice at the time can actually turn into the best thing that ever happened to you.