All posts by renegadelightworker

Family at 45

     I was 45 years old when I finally found and met people who felt like they had been my “real” family all of my life.  I was a part of a rather large family that I felt I never truly belonged to.  I looked like them, talked like them, acted like them but never felt like them.  I always had a yearning, a desire for more.  To test my limits, my boundaries, to learn all I could.  To get an education and boy did I ever (not all in a traditional sense).  I was different than everyone in my family including my look-a-like Irish twin younger brother who I longed to be.  As a girl I had the limits and boundaries of a patriarchial society placed on me yet I continually tested the believing that gender was a confine being placed on people to control their true abilities. 

Because of injustices done to my personhood and blame of governmental systems and society in general, I placed myself into a self-imposed exile and prison of the mind created by vicious cycles perpetuated by low self-esteem and a lack or self-respect and self-worth.  It was when I truly stood up for myself and realized my worth that I started to attract my real family.  The ones that I was meant to meet to help me break free from the solitary confinement of my own mind and truly let society see the beautiful butterfly this caterpillar has turned into.  When I met people that did not confine me to one certain role, one stereotype, I started to grow.  All of the seeds that other people planted in my mind while I imprisoned myself were lying in wait for the perfect conditions and are becoming the tools I use to create positive change and help others see their truths.


     Life is a series of lessons, based on the conditioning received by those closest to us in our environment.  Growing up we are not just influenced by our parents and closest relatives. As children we are conditioned by our teachers, our government, authority figures and any adult we find amusing really. We learn from a very young age to absorb the environment around us because we are constantly immersed in it and often not shown anything outside of this. If you grow up in a strict conservative family of lawyers, politicians or doctors it is probably expected you will also be one and adhere to your family values you had been taught throughout childhood and never deviate.  As humans we are creatures of habit. We do what we are taught and return to what is comfortable. So, most people of influence grow up with an idea of what they want to be, and this starts very young.  Born, bred and raised, encouraged at every second and praised for every accomplishment they achieve. These people are born to be leaders or taught they should be leaders, but are they all? Really, they are following the “social norms,” doing as they are told and following in footsteps of their parents or grandparents. What if this youth were to deviate? Step outside the comfort zone of their family and do something different. Say what is on their mind, not conform, be the rebel. Well then, they are a societal outcast, a black sheep. Sometimes these people are disowned, and their ideals shunned because they don’t jive with the “normal views of every day citizens.”  These are the people that think outside of the box. They are not conventional thinkers, they want to know more, they want to know why, they want to be shown or experience it for themselves.  Why chastise someone for having a mind of their own? Why make youth feel wrong for having opinions that are not the same as the people around them. Why teach children outdated systems and knowledge because leaders don’t want to spend the money to rewrite history.

     So, we end up in a world with conformists, non-conformists and people who really don’t have a clue because they have never had any guidance, or proper knowledge of the Universe and feel completely lost until something big wakes them up. There are children born into families that feel alone and like they don’t belong because they have a bigger purpose. A lot of time it takes great pain, grief, devastation and sorrow for this purpose to come into play because these youths were not granted the affluence of good parenting or a higher education.

     Broken homes, alcoholism, drug addiction, abuse, denial and violence have become common place in a Society that seems to be teetering on devolving. Discrediting people whose ideals we do not like has been going on for centuries. Some great minds were actually murdered for telling the truth, yet leaders who continually lied are honoured and relished in history. Columbus is honoured and credited with discovering a Country and things in it that was already inhabited. He is responsible for the deaths of Indigenous populations in the America’s. He imported South African’s as slaves for his own selfish purposes.  The conquistadors killed thousands in a quest for gold and it’s all celebrated.

     Have we not learned from history that all great civilizations eventually fall?  Rome was not built in a day, but it survives forever through the writings of the people that were there and still honour it today and are interested in the history of it.  We have had so many great empires and civilizations. The Aztecs, the Mayans, the Egyptians, The Greeks, The Mongols, The Romans, The Celts, The Vikings. Where are all these people now.  Absorbed into blended societies under the guise of different religions, ethnicities, but where is their greatness now.  They all fell. They are obscure, yet we honour and worship their principles.  The Haudenosaunee people also known as the “Iroquois Confederacy” shared their knowledge with the fore founders of the United States of America and some of their ideals are included in the Declaration of Independence but what happened to them.  Their ideas were taken, absorbed into the knowledge of Freemasonry and twisted into a Christian ideal for the American people so that they could live a free life.  So now we have Countries or great Nations rather that are multi-cultural and very diverse with multitudes of religions and ethnicities living together and are trying to conform them all to one ideal.  One paradigm of thinking.  The pen has remained mightier than the sword, yet we continue to have war.  We honour history as if it is still happening and what we should be learning from it we are just repeating.  Ideas that the whole world should be hearing are being supressed for fear of reprisals from outside agencies. Money has become the central object in the Universe and the idea of “how much can I get paid for this” has started to become the norm. The government is supressing knowledge that could help heal us all since they would not get anything from it.  Drug companies don’t want to cure you, because then how would they get paid.  So Big Brother “the government” makes sure that if something doesn’t fit with the societal norm it gets squashed.  They also squash things that they don’t agree with or do not want to be public knowledge.  The elected governments of the World like to keep their dirty little secrets and dirty laundry hidden so that they still maintain a level of Authority and Superiority for the general public. 

     In Canada, a perfect example would be the removing and shaming of public figures from the past that were involved in the beginning of the founding of this Country.  While I agree whole-heartedly that what happened to the Indigenous people that lived here when people like Samuel De Champlain and General Cornwallis arrived to colonize this Country I disagree with what is happening today.  Sir John A. MacDonald was the first Prime Minister of this great Country we call Canada when it was formed as a Dominion in 1867 (it did not officially become a Nation until 1982, but really it is just an “Economy”). In Victoria recently one of his statues was removed because of his part in the Residential School fiasco.  While this was horrible and tragic and has robbed a people of their Culture, he was being advised by others and was just doing his best with the knowledge he had and how he had been conditioned.  He grew up in a way that conditioned him because of the “Bible” that these Indigenous people were Savages and they needed to “kill the Indian in the Child” because that is what he was told and taught.  Had he had the knowledge we have today of what would become of his decision, do you think he would have made the same one? So, we dishonour him and erase him because he made a choice based on the knowledge he had at the time. Cornwallis was the same.  His statues removed and his great deeds now trying to be erased because of a decision he made at the time.  In depths studies show that there was a war going on and there were various miscommunications from various sides that resulted in some wrong decisions being made. But they were made.  Let’s learn from these mistakes and get to the bottom of things before we just erase people.  I’m pretty sure they did that in ancient Egypt, but we still know the people they tried to erase existed. 

     So, choices, good and bad, we all make them.  We suffer the consequences and sometimes these consequences are not even known for years.  Sometimes we are so blinded by conditioning that someone needs to point out that we are making the same choices over and over and we need to break free from the cycle we are in.  If another person’s choices are creating bad situations for you then you need to look at the choice you have yet again.  Ultimately it is up to you. To seek the information to make the choice.  You can learn to tolerate the choice or educate yourself and break free knowing that everything that happens is a learning experience.  We have learned from Sir John A. MacDonald. What to do and what not to do.  We have learned from the Ancient peoples, yet we have forgotten their ways.  We have become dependant on an outdated book called the Bible which we choose to believe is the be all and end all all things.  I never comprehended how we could go from having many Gods and Goddesses to just one.  We have faith in what we cannot see or believe a book that we have been told is true, but we will not believe the person next to us that is telling us the truth because its just too far fetched. 

     We have dismantled families by making things so expensive that both parents (if a child is so lucky) need to work (sometimes long hours) and electronic devices have become babysitters which sometimes cannot be controlled.  Television, video games, social media, radio, podcasts, and the Internet are now conditioning our children. How can we control all these things?  On top of this they are still banning books and saying things that were perfectly acceptable for our generation are no longer appropriate for children today.  We are medicating our gifted children because they are different under the guise of ADD, ADHD, and autism, along with various other “labels.”  It’s entirely possible that our systems just need to be rewritten because they are now outdated.  We have created divisions in Society through vulnerable sectors and marginalized people. We have women trying to get equal rights still throughout the world when really, it’s more just equal recognition they want.  They are half the population after all.  We have people being denied who they are because of who they love. They are having to speak up and demand equal rights because they do not fit the “norm.”  Indigenous studies taught me that They say everything is a choice. A choice we made, or a choice someone else made that affected us. Sometimes it feels like there wasn’t much choice in that situation, and sometimes something that feels like it was a bad choice at the time can actually turn into the best thing that ever happened to you.