I am on a journey to becoming a better speaker and getting more out there. I entered a contest and didn’t win but it inspired me to continue to become the best version of myself possible. Here is a video I did for the contest that I was most proud of, however, it was too long to submit https://youtu.be/zFA8mGlH3Lc
I was strong enough to survive my grandfather thinking I was an object for his pleasure. I was strong enough to survive my alcohol mother who eventually got sober. I was strong enough to survive losing my virginity being raped in sea cadets. I was strong enough to survive moving out on my own and still receive my high school diploma. I was strong enough to survive joining the Military, being charged for speaking out about being raped and losing my career. I was strong enough to survive 3 abusive husbands, the beatings that came with them, and countless horrible men who saw me as nothing more than a conquest. I was strong enough to survive raising my 2 Sons as well as some of their friends even though it cost me my sanity at times. I was strong enough to survive speaking out publicly about sexual abuse in the military and the aftermath that occurred at a time where it was unspoken of and you were supposed to just be quiet. I was strong enough to survive going to University full time while working full time and raising my boys. I was strong enough to survive keeping a roof over my families head no matter the cost to my Soul. I was strong enough to survive the many suicide attempts and my scars have become reminders that I have lived and are being replaced with beautiful tattoos. I was strong enough to survive leaving my home and the only place that ever felt safe to me and find a new family and place to belong. I was strong enough to survive the constant feelings of abandonment and betrayal and turn them into a purpose. I was strong enough to survive anything that was thrown at me and it has made me realize that no matter what may come I will always be strong enough to survive.
The Blame Game. From a very young age I was conditioned I was the problem., that there was something wrong with me. This was reinforced as I got older and after various healing modalities I have discovered the shame and guilt I have felt for being a “bad person,” that made me feel like I should apologize for existing was not for me to carry. I was stronger than any of them thought possible because I was resilient. Society (Family, Organizations, Systems) could knock me down but I keep getting back up. This is because deep in my heart despite what everyone said I knew I was right, I knew it wasn’t my fault and I had a struggle between my brain and my heart. I discovered I was normal for me. I just needed to listen to the part of myself that had my best intentions at heart with the utmost compassion to see that I made everyone uncomfortable so they tried to control and conform me, however I am a Renegade that is a free Spirit, never meant to be tamed and I will continue to draw strength from my adversity and promote that positive change is possible because everything happened for me not to me.
So many people judge what they cannot see and what they do not know. They react to someone with disdain or sarcasm without knowing one thing about that person. These are the fake people who walk around thinking they are above others and have no compassion. If you see someone with an obvious disability you often feel compelled to assist in some way but what about people who have invisible injuries, like post traumatic stress injury, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, gastrointestinal issues, diabetes and many other things.
Stress takes its toll on everyone and some of these people are on their last legs and pretending really good so that others don’t worry about them or put them down.
Life is hard enough, before you judge, look down upon, talk shit or demean someone look in the mirror and think about what gives you the right, you don’t even know them.
To all my friends and family that life has knocked down for a bit, I want you to know I understand and you are never alone and I will never judge you, no matter what you have done. The past is the past. Positive change is possible. Keep your chin up. Stand Tall. Be proud and have a most excellent day.